Muck Boots are a mite pricey for barn wear, but a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes can cost ten times as much. And they're not as comfortable.

Most of the “research” that makes it into the daily newspaper belongs on the comics page. Some of the topics these “experts” waste time (and money) on are so ridiculous, and so seemingly useless, they’re more hilarious than enlightening. And the results of their scientific research and analysis are often even more puzzling: They spent months and dollars to learn that, when they could have gotten the same answer from a couple of guys sitting in any decent country tavern?

On the other hand, sometimes this nonsense falls right into the lap of a writer who can use it to bolster his biased opinion on some esoteric topic. In this case, the research involves the connection of a woman’s perceived beauty with her happiness, and more to the point, the difference in this correlation  between city women and country women.

The study was conducted by Victoria Plaut, a visiting  assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkley, School of Law, and an assistant professor at the University of Georgia. It appeared in the journal Personal Relationships.

Simply put, attractive city women are happier than their sisters who are deemed less fetching. And we’re not talking about ugly ducklings. A lass who’s even slightly below average can be considered disadvantaged.

But — and here’s the good part — for women who live in the country, there’s no connection! In fact, country gals who are a bit chubbier than average are actually a little happier.

A bunch of thoughtful country guys with a little time on their hands wouldn’t need any advanced degrees or grant money to verify and explain this. Have them flip through almost any women’s magazine and comment on the pictures. I can hear it now: This one doesn’t weigh as much as a feed sack; she needs more meat on her bones. That dress can’t be very warm. What’s wrong with her eyes, some kinda disease? Awful pale, ain’t she? And look at those shoes!

Actually, if a woman has to struggle to look like that, probably including starving herself and undergoing other torture as well as spending a lot of money, it’s hard to see how she could be very happy. It must certainly be a very shallow kind of happiness, and obviously a temporary state. You’d think there’d be a lot of social pressure, and even competition, that would make it even tougher.

Country women don’t have to put up with such nonsense. They know Mom was right: beauty is only skin-deep. And happiness comes from inside, too.

I touched on this in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Self-sufficient Living. I compared ladies who wear Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo shoes with those who wear Muck Boots. Of course. I could only mention the first two after some serious academic research: I’d never heard of them before.

On the other hand, the city girl editors were familiar with the high fashion, but wanted to lower case Muck Boots, not knowing that’s a brand name.

Yes, Muck Boots are a bit pricey: around $80 for a pair like Diane’s. But Manolo Blahnik? Closer to eight hundred dollars.

You can imagine which brand is the most comfortable, especially when walking on the Good Earth, beyond the sidewalks.  — Jd Belanger